Geoffrey W. Sutton PhD, Psychology and Culture

Changing Marriage Marriage under Reconstruction Part 2 I left my previous post with a simple question: What can be done? Of course, the context matters. I’m writing about the reconstruction of marriage. So the expanded question becomes: What can be done about reconstructing marriage given its current status in western cultures? I have some thoughts on what can be done. Live your values   People have changed the marriage construct by just living according to their values . By successfully living as a single person, individuals documented that many people could live a fulfilled life outside of a marital relationship. That’s different for societies that held up marriage as The Way to live life. The change to the marriage construct is one of valuing. In a different way, some religious groups also valued single living as they encouraged some to enter a life of devoted service. Some Christians have interpreted what seem like unusual texts as evidence that being sing...

The 1950s imaginary sentimental love man as protein-carbs winner (bring home the bacon & breadwinner) marriage has ended for most people in most Western cultures. Some folks retain that image, or some photoshopped version of it, as the ideal traditional marriage.  Picture the happy couple at church with King James Bibles under their arms and you get the Protestant Christian version of this traditional marriage. Changes are a constant The changes in marriage and romantic relationships in the last few decades are staggering for anyone alive before the 1960s. Human behavior is my business. I am a psychologist. The counseling advice offered to couples seems to reflect the mythology of the decade rather than recommendations sourced in science. I would like to say that the nature and extent of the changes in marriage and romantic relationships have never been seen before in human history. But I am no historian. Nevertheless, the changes call for some consider...

NELSON MANDELA RECONCILIATION  CONTINUES As I write this post, Nelson Mandela lies ill in hospital. People have gathered to pray. His example of forgiveness and reconciliation continues as reflected in a BBC news headline : Nelson Mandela is ‘uniting the nation,’ hears church service. In 2009, I joined my friend Johan Mostert on a visit to religious leaders and ministries in South Africa. I learned of the pain of suffering and the struggle to forgive from people who had lived through apartheid. Mostert, a clergyman and community psychologist and his colleague, Mervin van der Spuy, Chaplain, weave stories of forgiveness and reconciliation with historical events as they explain the value of the Truth and Reconciliation Commission (TRC) in healing the nation. (I’ll include the reference to their chapter at the end of this blog post.) The TRC was set up by the South African Government of National Unity to deal with the results of violent conflicts and human rights a...

INDEPENDENCE DAY JUSTICE IMMIGRATION The people of Boston bore witness to violence. In the late 1760s, things heated up. People were divided in their support for the British government. Troops arrived to manage the conflict. Then it happened. Fighting began. Shots were fired. Bostonians were killed on 5 March, 1770. The troops were arrested. John Adams defended the British Captain and later the troops. The Captain was acquitted. Two soldiers received the death penalty but were freed with a brand of murder based on a special plea. You can read materials related to the trial online . In the midst of conflict, people wanted justice. Both sides wanted a fair trial—perhaps for different reasons. Justice prevailed. My parents and I emigrated from England and arrived in the USA just a couple of weeks before the 4th of July. It seemed awkward for British citizens to celebrate independence from Britain. There were plenty of jokes about the redcoats and strange Eng...

APOLOGIES FOLLOWING CLERGY ABUSE Pope Francis Apologises for Clergy Sex Abuse Geoff W. Sutton Have you ever known a religious leader who made a public apology following an offense? Investigations in the sexual abuse of minors by Catholic priests have been in the news for years. Leaders within the CatholicChurch have made public apologies . American televangelists and prominent preachers also made headlines for wrongdoing. Rape is traumatic in any context. It seems so much worse in religious settings where leaders teach sexual purity and represent God to the faithful. People are vulnerable in settings where trust is encouraged. Children are vulnerable in any setting. The sins of the leaders not only rip the lives of the victims but they hit others as well—parents, spouses, family and friends and members of the congregation. Can a public apology really help? Will people forgive? Will hurt people trust again and reconcile? Will the apology be accepted and the leader rest...

How Effective are Apologies? Christian Apologizes to LGBTQ Community: Part 2 Geoff W. Sutton I n my previous post I provided a link to the apology by Alan Chambers of ExodusInternational to the LGBTQ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer) community. In this blog, I will review some research related to the effectiveness of apologies. It is no secret that some Christian groups have protested against activities of the LGBTQ community, including the issue of same-sex marriage and the recent decision by the Boy Scouts of America to admit gay youth as scouts. Since most Americans continue to identify as Christian, it is easy to guess that most members of the US LGBTQ community identify as Christians now or did so at one point in their life. Given the prominent protests by Christian groups, it is not surprising that members of the LGBTQ community view Christians as judgmental, hateful, and hypocritical when they preach a gospel of love, compassion, and forgiveness....

A Christian Apologizes to LGBTQ Community:  Are Public Apologies Helpful? Geoff W. Sutton Alan Chambers of Exodus International issued a detailed apology to the LGBTQ community. Exodus International offered a “cure” for homosexuality. Chambers admitted that a lot of people were hurt by their “reparative therapy” interventions. In a detailed text, Chambers accepted responsibility. In his statement and in response to others (e.g., The Atlantic ) he repeated, “I’m Sorry” for the hurt and pain. Here’s a quote from his apology, Please know that I am deeply sorry. I am sorry for the pain and hurt many of you have experienced. I am sorry that some of you spent years working through the shame and guilt you felt when your attractions didn’t change. I am sorry we promoted sexual orientation change efforts and reparative theories about sexual orientation that stigmatized parents. I am sorry that there were times I didn’t stand up to people publicly “on my side” who called you ...