Geoffrey W. Sutton PhD, Psychology and Culture

Journey to a Better Relationship Four Things to Pack Couples often seek counseling to improve their relationship. The general goal is something like satisfaction, which can be quite vague unless you flesh it out with some specifics. But that’s where things can get pretty negative if couples and therapists aren’t careful. Getting to relationship satisfaction can be an arduous and discouraging process of identifying areas where each partner is unhappy. The usual culprits are ways of spending our money, spending enough time together, enjoying sex, sharing responsibilities, and agreeing on parenting strategies. Enter Jen Ripley and Ev Worthington—two experienced couples’ therapists from the Eastern U.S. I’m reading their recent book, Couple Therapy for a book review I’ll be sending off in a few weeks. My focus in this post is on four goals they suggest for couples’ counseling . What I like about these ideas is how they fit with trends ...

Am I in Love? “He loves me. He loves me not.” Pulling the petals of love from a flower to gauge the status of a relationship seems so arbitrary. How do people decide if they are in love? In western cultures, marriage and long-term relationships have been based on love for decades. And when love is no longer present, couples separate. Marriages dissolve. Some find a second love relationship before an existing one is formally abandoned. Others pause between relationships as if one should end before beginning another. Love is a squishy idea. Love is hard to define in terms of a checklist. But that does not stop magazines from responding to the demand for answers to the question: “How do I know if I’m in love?” Geoffrey W. Sutton, PhD Cite this post Sutton, G. W. (2015, February 13). Am i in love? Geoffrey W. Sutton PhD, Psychology and Culture https://geoffwsutton.blogspot.com/2015/02/am-i-in-love.html A Love Model You might suspect that psychologists st...

Weddings : Values that Can Lead to a  Successful Marriage Two young people I know plan to marry this Sunday. My wife and I have known the groom and his parents for years. I came to know the bride when she was a college student worker. To all appearances, they are a beautiful couple in a loving and committed relationship. They met in college, dated, obtained master’s degrees from the same university, and attend the same church. Theirs will be a Christian wedding. Weddings and Culture Like a long flowing gown, or a brides' aisle walk to meet her bridegroom, weddings retain a cultural trail of values. Cultural traditions are often integrated with religious ceremony. Royal ceremonies encourage fantasies in children’s books suggest enchantment in romantic novels and movies for girls and women (and some men) of all ages.  Religious stories illustrate blessed relationships and joyful celebrations. Weddings used to mark the beginning of a new life together. ...

Sex Differences Women and Men and the Words They Use Geoff W. Sutton It doesn’t take a psychologist to know that women and men use language differently. But how are they different and what do their words tell us about gender? Not long ago I attended a regional conference where social psychologist, James Pennebaker was a featured speaker. I have long been a fan of words so I looked forward to his talk. As slide after slide went by, I wanted more so, I bought the book. The title might sound uninspiring ( The Secret Life of Pronouns …) but Pennebaker is a good writer and he has lots to say backed by some pretty creative research. So who said these words as they introduced their commencement speeches? Can you tell if a woman or a man delivered these inspirational messages? I thank you for allowing me to be a part of the conclusion of this chapter of your lives and the commencement of your next chapter. To say that I’m honored doesn’t even begin to quantify the dept...

Marriage & Relationship Quiz Updated QUESTIONS ONLY  (Answers Below) 1. According to the Rand Corporation, about what percentage of white females entered a cohabiting relationship in the U.S. by age 23? 2. On average, what is the age when women first marry in the U.S.? 3. In the U.S., at what young age can people commonly marry with parental approval? 4. In the U.S., divorce rates remained stable at about what percent of marriages? 5. In a split decision, the U. S. Supreme Court found the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) unconstitutional in June. How many judges decided against DOMA? 6. In the U.S., remarriage has declined by what percent in the past 20 years? 7. Same-sex marriage is legal in how many U. S. States? 8. According to the Pew Forum, how many countries permit same-sex marriage? 9. According to the Independent, at least how many countries recognize polygamous marriages? 10. In the U.S. Muslims and fundamentalist Mormons practi...

ADULTERY, INSECURITY, AND MARRIAGE Photographers offer us stunning images of beautiful brides and handsome grooms smiling throughout pages of wedding photos. Indeed, weddings are a time of celebration for couples of all ages and for their families and friends who wish them well. Despite the high divorce rate, many couples find their marriage to be a source of satisfaction for a lifetime. The natural coupling of billions of adults and the common joy of having and raising children together reminds us of the vital role marriage plays in society. ADULTERY Previously, I wrote about factors leading to divorce as well as elements of a strong relationship. A major cause of ruin and pain in a marriage is infidelity. According to Pew Research, the U.S. has one of the highest rates (84%) of all nations (median 79%) for people saying that having an affair while married is morally unacceptable. The estimates vary but close to 25% of men and 20% of women have sex with another p...

Premarital     Counseling Boom Good news . People still fall in love and want to marry. Couples want their marriages to last. And many are willing to invest in premarital counseling. Bad news . Marriage rates are at an all-time low and recent divorce rates remain high. And the research on the possible benefits of premarital counseling is not impressive. See post about marriage in 2013 . Breaking news (almost). According to a Fox News story published 21 January 2014, “The Colorado Marriage Education Act would require potential spouses to complete 10 hours of pre-wedding marriage education. Twenty hours would be required for second marriages and 30 hours for third marriages, KDVR.com reported Monday.” Why Do People Think Premarital Counseling Helps? 1. Engaged couples feel satisfied with the programs they attended. Some even think premarital counseling is fun . But some complain about the negativity when programs discuss pitfalls. 2. One ...

Valentine's Day Dance Love   And    Romance 1 “I love you” Who says it first?  Men do but people think women do. Marissa Harrison and Jennifer Shortall (2011) reported that women and men think women fall in love and say “I Love you” first. But men in relationships reported they were the first to say “I love you.” 2 Do young people view interracial dating similarly ? In the U.S., slavery and laws prohibiting relationships between Black and White Americans provide a negative context for relationships between people who appear different based on skin color. There are of course scientific problems with the definition of race and appropriate terms to use. A recent look at mixed race dating showed that young people use the terms Black and White to refer to their own group and members of the other group. In his qualitative study, Todd Schoepflin found the most favorable attitudes toward interracial dating were expressed by black men and white women compa...

Understanding Rapists What can  religious organizations do? Earlier this month, January, 2014, major news sources told of a  gang rape  of a young Hindu Indian woman who violated village norms by having an affair with a married Muslim man and did not pay her portion of the fine.  President Obama called . Recently, newly elected  problem of predatory priests  within the worldwide Catholic church, which of course is not alone among religious groups dealing with the problem of predatory clergy. The U.S.  high rate of rape  within the U.S. military. Laws against rape are close to universal. But rape happens. And rape happens often. LOVE, RAPE, AND THE BIBLE The Bible contains classic tales of romantic love as in the story of Isaac who was smitten with love for Rebekah whom he met at the local watering hole ( Genesis 24 ). But there are also horrific stories of rape and laws about rape. I’ll reference one story as evidence....