Geoffrey W. Sutton PhD, Psychology and Culture

Am I in Love? “He loves me. He loves me not.” Pulling the petals of love from a flower to gauge the status of a relationship seems so arbitrary. How do people decide if they are in love? In western cultures, marriage and long-term relationships have been based on love for decades. And when love is no longer present, couples separate. Marriages dissolve. Some find a second love relationship before an existing one is formally abandoned. Others pause between relationships as if one should end before beginning another. Love is a squishy idea. Love is hard to define in terms of a checklist. But that does not stop magazines from responding to the demand for answers to the question: “How do I know if I’m in love?” Geoffrey W. Sutton, PhD Cite this post Sutton, G. W. (2015, February 13). Am i in love? Geoffrey W. Sutton PhD, Psychology and Culture https://geoffwsutton.blogspot.com/2015/02/am-i-in-love.html A Love Model You might suspect that psychologists st...

ADULTERY, INSECURITY, AND MARRIAGE Photographers offer us stunning images of beautiful brides and handsome grooms smiling throughout pages of wedding photos. Indeed, weddings are a time of celebration for couples of all ages and for their families and friends who wish them well. Despite the high divorce rate, many couples find their marriage to be a source of satisfaction for a lifetime. The natural coupling of billions of adults and the common joy of having and raising children together reminds us of the vital role marriage plays in society. ADULTERY Previously, I wrote about factors leading to divorce as well as elements of a strong relationship. A major cause of ruin and pain in a marriage is infidelity. According to Pew Research, the U.S. has one of the highest rates (84%) of all nations (median 79%) for people saying that having an affair while married is morally unacceptable. The estimates vary but close to 25% of men and 20% of women have sex with another p...

Premarital     Counseling Boom Good news . People still fall in love and want to marry. Couples want their marriages to last. And many are willing to invest in premarital counseling. Bad news . Marriage rates are at an all-time low and recent divorce rates remain high. And the research on the possible benefits of premarital counseling is not impressive. See post about marriage in 2013 . Breaking news (almost). According to a Fox News story published 21 January 2014, “The Colorado Marriage Education Act would require potential spouses to complete 10 hours of pre-wedding marriage education. Twenty hours would be required for second marriages and 30 hours for third marriages, KDVR.com reported Monday.” Why Do People Think Premarital Counseling Helps? 1. Engaged couples feel satisfied with the programs they attended. Some even think premarital counseling is fun . But some complain about the negativity when programs discuss pitfalls. 2. One ...

OPTIMISM &  MARRIAGE Can optimism lead to a better marriage? A recent study suggests that one type of optimism is helpful and another type is not so helpful. In their review of research, Lisa Neff of the University of Texas at Austin and Andrew Geers of the University of Toledo, reported an emerging belief that optimistic expectations would promote better relationships because people should be motivated to overcome difficulties. In a previous post I reviewed some research on optimism and spirituality. Most religions strongly support marriage. In this post I look at a study about optimism in a marriage. When there is conflict, optimists are more constructive and they ending up feeling more satisfied with the outcome of the conflict. Also, the relationship has a better chance of survival. In a 2-year study, optimists had fewer drops in satisfaction than did pessimists. So what’s not to like about optimism? Some research suggests that expecting g...