Geoffrey W. Sutton PhD, Psychology and Culture

  A saying by psychologist author Adam Grant caught my attention- "Sometimes you have to let others down to uphold your boundaries." It's true. People have expectations of us--sometimes too many. Trying to please others can sap the energy we need for our priorities. Of course, we can only be aware of the loss of energy for our priorities if we have clear priorities. After deciding on our priorities, we may have to deal with the fact that some people are so focused on their personal projects that they do not consider our boundaries.  Fortunately, some are sensitive and will both recognize and respect our boundaries when they are made aware. A simple note and an offer to reschedule can be enough. Unfortunately, some do not respect our boundaries. Guilt may appear when relationships end abruptly. Former friends are lost. Finding the right balance between caring for others and having a life isn't easy. Saying "No" and accepting an others' "No" can ...

    JOY  & HAPPINESS       Joy to the World is a powerful anthem. Bells ring. Choirs sing. And people gather round trees, open presents, and gorge on meats and sweets. Joy seems to abound this time of year. Even news media seem keen on adding a dollop of good  news to their daily buffet of badness. Of course, the Christmas story is full of good news. Joy is an advent theme. In the Christmas story, Joy comes as a child. We know that joy. I recall the ultrasound picture of my first granddaughter. Marvelous. A happy moment for all. And of course you naturally want to celebrate by giving presents. So the joy spreads from inside to others. Especially the children who can barely wait to peak beneath the tree and ornament decorated swaddling paper wrapped lovingly around a precious gift. JOY has an effect. Psychologist Barbara Fredrickson has looked at the effects of positive emotions like joy and negative emotions like fe...

In loving relationships, short absences increase appreciation. In loving relationships, short absences increase appreciation. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. A person lacking self-control is like a house broken into and left with open doors. Please check out my website     www.suttong.com    and see my books on    AMAZON        or  GOOGLE STORE Also, consider connecting with me on    FACEBOOK     Geoff W. Sutton         TWITTER    @Geoff.W.Sutton     You can read many published articles at no charge:   Academia    Geoff W Sutton      ResearchGate    Geoffrey W Sutton      

I’ve been thinking about hope this year. I wrote about hope in Living Well . And I‘ve studied hope based on Charles R. Snyder’s hope theory . I’m writing about hope because I am organizing some thoughts about hope as found in the four themes of advent: hope, peace, love, and joy. Although typically depicted by four candles around a Christ candle in a wreath, I think a diagram makes more sense, though clearly less picturesque. The Christmas story links hope to Mary's child, Jesus. When Jesus arrives, he comes with a message of love, which is linked to joy and peace.  Then, the paradox of hope occurs. When the hoped for person arrives, hope ends.  This is the paradox of hope. Hope disappears when it is fulfilled,  but love, joy, and peace are enduring qualities. Hope is powerful when Snyder’s identified twin components are present: (1) a goal, which is a focused desire that energizes our quest and (2) a pathway to reach that ...

I’ve had some time to think about honoring mothers on Mother’s Day. My mother lived until she was 93. And my wife has been a mother and grandmother for some years (I'm being careful here). I’ve written about Mother’s Day before ( 2014 ,  2015 ) but this year I have been asked to talk about Ephesians 6 the week after the US Mother’s Day so I’ve been thinking about Mother’s Day from the perspective of this text about honor. One of the interesting things about this well-known phrase, “Honor your father and your mother” is that it appears eight times in the Bible (Exodus 20:12; Deuteronomy 5:16; Matthew 15:4 & 19:19; Mark 7:10 & 10:19; Luke 18:20; Ephesians 6:2). Apparently, it was important to repeat this command. People over a span of centuries needed reminders. Maybe we do too. Here are my thoughts on this ancient text codified into a cultural norm for several decades. Words Aren’t Good Enough Christian honor required children to use their resource...

Am I in Love? “He loves me. He loves me not.” Pulling the petals of love from a flower to gauge the status of a relationship seems so arbitrary. How do people decide if they are in love? In western cultures, marriage and long-term relationships have been based on love for decades. And when love is no longer present, couples separate. Marriages dissolve. Some find a second love relationship before an existing one is formally abandoned. Others pause between relationships as if one should end before beginning another. Love is a squishy idea. Love is hard to define in terms of a checklist. But that does not stop magazines from responding to the demand for answers to the question: “How do I know if I’m in love?” Geoffrey W. Sutton, PhD Cite this post Sutton, G. W. (2015, February 13). Am i in love? Geoffrey W. Sutton PhD, Psychology and Culture https://geoffwsutton.blogspot.com/2015/02/am-i-in-love.html A Love Model You might suspect that psychologists st...

Faith, Hope, and Marriage I’m at that age when my wife and I attend weddings again. The children of our friends are getting married. We've known one or both members of the loving couple for years-- sometimes since they were children. What a great occasion! Old memories mix with the present celebration. For a day or two dozens of us are transported to a world where there is only joy and love. Smiling young people sing and dance, kiss and hug. And colorful pictures tag their way along digital corridors. A new marriage has begun. Most people enter their first marriage because they are deeply in love and want to be together forever. Some obtain premarital counseling and some do not. If they think ahead, they have high expectations that they will have a great marriage. On occasion, close friends and family members can’t imagine a relationship working out. But love is blind. And sometimes the skeptics are wrong. When trouble looms, many couples try to work things out. ...