I’ve had some time to think about
honoring mothers on Mother’s Day. My mother lived until she was 93. And my wife
has been a mother and grandmother for some years (I'm being careful here).
I’ve written about Mother’s Day
before (2014, 2015) but this year I have been asked to talk about Ephesians 6 the week after
the US Mother’s Day so I’ve been thinking about Mother’s Day from the
perspective of this text about honor.
One of the interesting things
about this well-known phrase, “Honor your father and your mother” is that it
appears eight times in the Bible (Exodus 20:12; Deuteronomy 5:16; Matthew 15:4
& 19:19; Mark 7:10 & 10:19; Luke 18:20; Ephesians 6:2). Apparently, it
was important to repeat this command. People over a span of centuries needed reminders. Maybe we do too.
Here are my thoughts on this
ancient text codified into a cultural norm for several decades.
Words Aren’t Good
Enough
Christian honor required children
to use their resources to care for their parents. The lack of government social
programs for the elderly meant mothers and fathers were left without assistance
when they were no longer able to care for themselves. In Pauline morality, the
church ought to care for widows unless they had a relative (1
Timothy 5).
In western cultures, there are
social programs but nothing replaces the loving care adult children can provide
to their parents. Parents vary in needs as children vary in resources, so the
application of loving care will vary. Some will benefit from a visit. Other’s
need a ride. Some will enjoy a time to share old stories. Others need financial
support. The principle of honor is carried out in loving and caring
relationships.
You May Reap
What You Sow
Grace is in need of support in
caring for her husband who has Alzheimer’s disease. She is elderly and busy
24/7. Fortunately, her children take turns stopping by to lend a hand. I like
to think her children are honoring her and their father because these elderly
parents set such a caring example during their years as parents and grandparents.
This is a real story but her name is not Grace.
My point is, each of us sets an
example of how to honor parents by what we do as parents and grandparents. Adult
parents provide examples to their children by the way they honor their elderly
parents and relatives. One can always hope that a positive parent example will
inspire their own children to be loving and caring when another generation
reaches old age.
Mother’s Day Ought
to be Personal
If you go to church on Mother’s
Day you’ve probably heard all the common sermons and advice. In the US, mothers
may receive a flower or some trinket. Some church leaders fret about leaving
out women who are not mothers. There’s no easy way to avoid offending women who
are mothers and resent the dilution of Mother’s Day into “Women’s Day” or
hurting all those women who wanted to be mothers but for various reasons are
not mothers. And of course, there are people who are biological mothers but
have not been nurturing and loving toward their children. People hurt in
different ways. Mother’s Day is not always a happy day.
My thought—church leaders ought
to encourage people to honor their own mothers and to make a special effort to
honor those mothers who do not have children around to honor them. A meaningful
Mother’s Day ought to be personal and relational—between mother and child or
children—not between an organization and a mother or a woman.
If Possible, Avoid Materialism
I don’t like the fact that
corporations have hijacked Mother’s Day and Father’s Day creating a demand by
shaming poor families into showering mothers with exorbitantly priced cards,
flowers, dinners, and so forth. I realize that many will not have an easy way
out of this commercial trap without feeling like they are not doing enough to
honor their mothers. And mothers are not immune to the culture in what they
expect as a minimum of honor.
I think it better to follow the
cultural norm if possible unless all parties agree to bypass excessive commercialism
in favor of a more personal honor. People have different values. I’m not
opposed to enjoying the good things in life. I just don’t like to see people
feeling trapped by social expectations designed to drain excess family
resources in support of high paid CEOs. Of course, situations are so different
in terms of resources, work demands, distance, and so on. We must all use
wisdom.
Whether nearby or far away, a clear and loving expression from a child to a mother on Mother's Day goes a long way to maintaining or re-creating a strong relationship.
Whether nearby or far away, a clear and loving expression from a child to a mother on Mother's Day goes a long way to maintaining or re-creating a strong relationship.
The Mother-Child Relationship is of Critical Importance
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