Tuesday, November 26, 2019

Reverse Advent Calendar Expressing Gratitude and Generosity

Image result for helping poor newborns




I first learned about a Reverse Advent Calendar from English friends who were collecting items for a local charity. There are several helpful sites online, which offer ideas on how to create your own calendar.

The idea is to help children approach Christmas with an attitude of giving rather than getting. Of course, the lesson is important for adults as well.

Families can do something as simple as putting a pound or dollar (or more) in a container each day, which will be donated to a local food pantry or other community charity at the end of December.

Another approach is to place food items or clothes in baskets for each day leading up to Christmas and donate them to a charity.

Another suggestion is to organise four bags or baskets to hold items related to nativity themes as suggested by https://buildfaith.org/reverse-advent/. The themes focus on the newborn Jesus and his need for food, warmth, care for the parents and care for the newborn. These themes translate into food, clothes, toiletries, and baby items.

Likely some readers will have other ideas.

Engaging children in the nativity story might have better learning benefits than would simply reading the story, hearing an advent message, or watching a play.

You could meditate on frankincense and myrrh, but you could also deliver diapers, blankets, and tissues may be more useful.

The activities likely promote gratitude, generosity, and empathy, which is an aspect of love and compassion.

Read more about gratitude, generosity, and compassion in Living Well available from AMAZON







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Tuesday, November 12, 2019

Why is Queen Elizabeth II so popular? Psychology of Leadership


On Remembrance Sunday, I shared a post about Queen Elizabeth II being the only living Commander in Chief who served in World War II. As a young woman she served in a way that women were welcomed in uniform in those days.

What amazed me is the number of people who gave my post a like or "love" in a short period of time. At one point, the post got a positive click about every minute, which is much higher than my usual posts. Of course, the group was composed of people of British origin. Still, the question may be asked why is she so popular? And, is there anything leaders may learn from such high levels of public support?

Oh, by the way, Queen Elizabeth II and her family are of great interest to many Americans as well so, it's not just the British.


Princess Elizabeth WW II service













The Queen's popularity ratings run above 80% in various surveys. That's high for a national leader. Most leaders won't be kings or queens or even presidents or prime ministers so, what seems to work?

I have written a few posts about leadership. A recent one provides a list of what people respect in a leader. In this post, I'm going to look at Queen Elizabeth II and possible reasons for her enduring popularity.

1. Military Service. Military service in itself probably accounts for a meaningful percentage of her popularity in the UK and in many of the Commonwealth countries. She "did her bit" as the British say. There are a lot of veterans, so there must be more to her appeal than military service.

2. Identity. The Queen represents the UK. She's not just a symbol like a mammal or bird on a coin or an official seal. It's far easier to identify with a person, if the person has qualities you respect. A head of state can make people feel proud or ashamed of their country. This feeling can be personally experienced when a number of people within and outside your nation respect or disrespect your head of state. I think this is true for corporations having respectable figure heads. Identity is an argument for keeping some people on a board even when the day-to-day business is run by lesser known officials. Companies and organizations with good reputations tied to a respected leader may wish to think how they manage retirement and leadership transitions.

3. Appearance. Leaders are expected to appear a certain way in any given culture. The Queen appears as a dignified and kindly grandmother. At times, she wears a crown, which adds to the value of her appearance. However, not all cultures respect older citizens. So, the elegant grandparent only goes so far. Age is only one factor. People have expectations of the way their leaders should dress and behave. Appearance matters despite its superficiality. But appearance is relevant to one's group. The expected appearance of music stars, tech industry leaders, and religious leaders can be quite different.

3. Wealth. People in many cultures respect wealthy people. The Queen's jewels, palaces, and castles represent wealth. She has a decent income from her investments. She's not wealthy like an American billionaire but she does very well. And she has an acceptable attitude--she doesn't draw attention to the wealth. People used to think wealthy people were blessed by God or gods. Perhaps they still do.

4. Confidence. She's met a lot of world leaders over the years. And she's met a lot of children and people from many cultures. We expect leaders to show confidence. Confidence can be learned through experience in meeting people and giving talks to various audiences.

5. Commitment. We respect leaders who are committed to their country or organization and to their assigned tasks. Queen Elizabeth II certainly meets these expectations. You don't have to be a royal to demonstrate commitment.

6. Authentic faith.  From what we can see, Queen Elizabeth's faith is genuine. Of course she would be expected to appear a Christian as head of the Church of England, but we all know people who don't seem very sincere. Regardless of religiosity, I think people can respect leaders whose faith doesn't appear put on for a show or worse, a way of garnering votes, power, or wealth. I think it better to be an honest atheist or agnostic than put on a sham show of faith.

7. Caring. People respect leaders who care for others and support charitable causes. The tearful photo above is a popular one on social media. I suspect it's popular because it shows a quiet empathy. We want to believe leaders are caring people. I think leaders in businesses and organizations must be aware that people are quick to identify hypocrisy. Only some leaders can fool some people with fake caring.

8. Culture Factor. British humor can be biting and sarcastic. And some Brits resent the money spent on the monarchy. Yet, there are long cultural traditions of showing respect to the Queen by bowing to her and in the singing of the national anthem, "God Save the Queen." But culture can be undone by monarchs behaving badly, so there must be more to her support than just culture. And, as already noted, the data support high levels of popularity in the US--not just the UK or the Commonwealth. The bottom line for corporations and organizations is to create a culture of respect for all people.

9. Longevity. Longevity of a leader or leaders can represent stability in a nation or corporation. Nations with presidents like the US change leaders every 4 or 8 years. That's not a bad idea. But it can lead to major changes in policy and some ugly politics between warring parties. Of course, the same happens in the UK, but in a different way. The Queen does not have the power of the prime minister and parliament where the political fights take place. However, the Queen does offer a psychological sense of stability as one who cares about the nation and remains "above" politics.

*****
I realize Queen Elizabeth II has an advantage over many leaders. Many in western cultures read exciting stories about kings and queens and princes and princesses as children. Children's movies portray dazzling castles and a fantastic lifestyle. Royalty has a mystique. But as I wrote above, some monarchs behave despicably and don't get much respect.


There's probably more reasons for her popularity. If you have a positive contribution, please comment.

Links to Related Posts

What do people respect in a leader?

Psychology of Respect



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Monday, November 11, 2019

What do people respect in a leader?





Respect consists of the ways people treat their leaders and other group members. Core features of respect include social status and likeability (See Psychology of Respect).

Honesty
In a 2014 survey by Kouzes and Posner of over 100,000 people, honesty was the highest quality (CEO). Honest communication is often supported by facts that can be checked by others. Honesty promotes trust and credibility. One major lapse in integrity can dash a career. Apologies may help but for many, trust is gone forever.

Politicians often get little respect because they fail to deliver on their promises. A CEO will be ousted when a promised result doesn’t happen. But politicians seem to get away with failed promises when they can blame the failure on a competitor, opposition party, or foreign power.

Golden Rule
Leaders gain or lose respect depending on how people perceive them as following the Golden Rule- Treat others as you would like to be treated. Respect is a relational concept. Most people respond with warmth to kindness, politeness, and fair treatment. And people tend to respond in kind to disrespectful treatment. Politicians and corporate leaders who deal in “dirty tricks” can expect retaliation.

Confidence
People respect leaders who appear confident. Confidence in a leader is obviously important in times of crisis such as war and disaster. Troops appear to have a knack of discovering poor leadership. This loss of confidence can happen in politics, industry, and other organizations, including churches. Of course, confidence must be supported by results. Confident leaders who lead people in the wrong direction can expect to lose respect.

Fair Treatment
Young children have a sense of fairness when it comes to following the rules of a game. Cheaters are penalized. Some cheaters are ostracized. Adults continue to live by a sense of fair play. Leaders must be careful when promoting and awarding raises to members or employees. Some people who have been treated unfairly can be motivated by revenge and wreak havoc in a family, an organization, or a nation—especially when they have a high level of respect in the eyes of a sizeable minority.

Commitment
We respect leaders and group members who are committed to the goals of a group, company, organization, or nation. People who do not show commitment are treated with low respect. Commitment involves acting in ways that advance one’s group. Some commitments are symbolic like standing to sing a national anthem or showing you like a friend’s social media post.
Other commitments are more tangible like volunteering to decorate for an organization’s social event or working on a project that improves the social standing of a business. A high degree of respect is show by the commitment to serve in a nation’s military.

Caring
People respect leaders who demonstrate social responsibility. A fascinating survey of MBA students by Montgomery and Ramus found that 90% cared more about working for a company that demonstrated social responsibility than about financial benefits (2003). Of course, there’s nothing like participating in an activity to show a level of sincerity beyond a brief photo-op.

Consistent, Clear, Communication
My wife and I have been on several tours. One particular leader stood out for confusing communication. You could hear a constant buzzing within our group concerning where we are going, when we are supposed to meet, and what we are supposed to bring with us. The leader won respect for kindness, honesty, and caring, but was so easily distracted when giving instructions that it was hard to know what to expect.

Consistent communication also links back to honesty and integrity. Credible leaders do what they say they will do. Simple explanations for failure may get a pass on occasions, but not on a regular basis.

On-Time
In western cultures, respect for time is a two-way street. We expect leaders and group members to be punctual. There is no such thing as “fashionably late” when it comes to respect. Lateness represents disrespect for the value of a person’s time and whatever they are communicating. People can maintain respect following an occasional lateness when a socially acceptable reason is provided as long as lateness is not habitual.



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Sunday, November 10, 2019

Forgiveness and Acetaminophen as Pain Relievers



Much has been written about the power of forgiveness to help people reduce their current distress from hurts, which may have lasted for years. Studies have demonstrated that forgiveness has biological correlates related to stress. The hurts addressed by forgiveness have been called "social pain."

Acetaminophen is a commonly used effective medication for physical pain. A new study by George Slavich and his colleagues looks at the interaction of forgiveness and acetaminophen on the reduction of social pain. Their article is an editor's choice selection in the current Annals of Behavioral Medicine (December, 2019).

Following is a quote from their article abstract.


Results
As hypothesized, acetaminophen reduced participants’ social pain levels over time but only for those exhibiting high levels of forgiveness (i.e., 18.5% reduction in social pain over 20 days).
Conclusions
These data are the first to show that forgiveness and acetaminophen have interactive effects on experiences of social pain, which is one of the most common and impactful of all human experiences.

Read more about the Psychology of Forgiveness


See the article link above for details of the study in Annals of Behavioral Medicine.


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