Geoffrey W. Sutton PhD, Psychology and Culture

What Do People Believe About  Forgiveness and Reconciliation? Anybody interested in the subject of forgiveness and reconciliation knows what psychologists and counselors believe—forgiveness is a good thing for general and mental health. We also know that psychologists define forgiveness as an inside job—forgiveness happens when people let go of the hurt feelings, smoldering anger, and desire for revenge. Some think we should also adopt a positive attitude toward those who hurt us. And psychologists think reconciliation is different from forgiveness. Reconciliation is the process of repairing a damaged relationship. Trust is the key to reconciliation. Forgiveness can help but you can begin the process of working together even when unforgiven hurts persist. For example, people hurting after a divorce can get along to some extent for the sake of their children. Two employees can work together of projects even though unforgiveness limits their ability to enjoy the time the...

RECONCILIATION:  FOUR STEPS Years ago, a former slave reconciled with his captors and used his position to help them and their family survive. You may have heard the Hebrew story of Joseph—a man favored by his father and despised by his brothers. He was sold to traffickers and ended up a servant to an Egyptian leader where he was sexually harassed, place in prison, and forgotten for years. After his wisdom and leadership was recognized in prison, he was freed and placed in a government position. During hard times, his brothers came to purchase grain. Joseph recognized them but they did not recognize him. He tested them, which induced fear but later, he revealed himself, and provided for their well-being. From time to time, I have heard pastors use the story as a basis for a sermon on forgiveness. But it’s not about forgiveness. There’s no evidence of forgiveness at all. All we observe are degrees of reconciliation among the family members. And near the end of the story, ...

Can the religious be saved from tribal conflicts? Reflections on Joshua Greene's Moral Tribes How can we escape from the tragedy of religious groups in conflict? Killing, rape, and hate-filled-loud-angry-in-your-face verbal assaults routinely fill news headlines. And the sad thing is that sometimes the conflict is between religious tribes. Who would want to be a part of such a religion? Fortunately, for most of the world, the combat is more subtle. It’s more about killing reputations, insisting that God wants you to live a miserable life (strict rules against divorce or remarriage), or splitting a group over moral clashes like abortion or same-sex marriage. Understanding moral conflict is the quest of philosopher-psychologist Joshua Greene. I read his book Moral Tribes earlier this year (2014) and finally got round to writing a review. There are many ways to analyze his work. I’ll name just two. 1. People act before they think. For me, an intriguing part of t...

How do you frame your mother? Framing mother- creating a special day-- began 100 years ago when in 1914 Anna Jarvis began her quest to have Congress designate the second Sunday in May as Mother’s Day in the U.S . Mothers are real people. But that’s not what happens on mother’s day in the U.S. Mothers morph into an ideal concept. American mothers become queen for a day. Mothers become goddesses. Mothers have been framed. And not all mothers fit the American cultural frame. Mothers young and old alike get to enjoy this special day. Our cultural framing is guided by a powerful commercial engine that sells flowers and food in the temple court. Children must bring the sacrifices our goddesses expect if they want to win their mother's favor for another year. Oh, I nearly forgot the expensive fold-out flowery card in pink or lavender-- with or without a Christian cross. 8 QUESTIONS  TO ASK OR NOT TO ASK BEFORE YOU HONOR YOUR MOTHER 1. What’s a mother worth...

PEACE "Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called the children of God." Matthew 5:9 During advent we witness peace represented as a baby. Evangelical preachers often speak of the power of God. But when I see a baby I think of a fragile and vulnerable life. New life needs protection and nurturance. Peace is like a baby. Peace is fragile and vulnerable to disruptions from many sources. Nurturing people affirm peace. Peacemakers nurture peace through gifts of time and talent. Like an infant, newly formed peace requires devotion. To survive, peace must be fed and clothed. People keep peace alive. People let peace die. Some people seek to destroy peace. When the Prince of Peace became a man, he made serious demands of his followers. When the light of Peace shone in the darkness, Peace was attacked and Peace surrendered. Peace died as did the hope of his followers. But then came life. Peace lived on in the hearts of his followers who shared the peace wit...

APOLOGIES FOLLOWING CLERGY ABUSE Pope Francis Apologises for Clergy Sex Abuse Geoff W. Sutton Have you ever known a religious leader who made a public apology following an offense? Investigations in the sexual abuse of minors by Catholic priests have been in the news for years. Leaders within the CatholicChurch have made public apologies . American televangelists and prominent preachers also made headlines for wrongdoing. Rape is traumatic in any context. It seems so much worse in religious settings where leaders teach sexual purity and represent God to the faithful. People are vulnerable in settings where trust is encouraged. Children are vulnerable in any setting. The sins of the leaders not only rip the lives of the victims but they hit others as well—parents, spouses, family and friends and members of the congregation. Can a public apology really help? Will people forgive? Will hurt people trust again and reconcile? Will the apology be accepted and the leader rest...