Wednesday, December 6, 2017

Helping Naked Jesus



Convoy of Hope helps after Greensburg KS tornado 2007

King: Come here, you beloved, you people whom My Father has blessed. Claim your inheritance, the Kingdom prepared for you from the beginning of creation. You shall be richly rewarded, for when I was hungry, you fed Me. And when I was thirsty, you gave Me something to drink. I was alone as a stranger, and you welcomed Me into your homes and into your lives. I was naked, and you gave Me clothes to wear; I was sick, and you tended to My needs; I was in prison, and you comforted Me.

Even then the righteous will not have achieved perfect understanding and will not recall these things.

Righteous: Master, when did we find You hungry and give You food? When did we find You thirsty and slake Your thirst? When did we find You a stranger and welcome You in, or find You naked and clothe You? When did we find You sick and nurse You to health? When did we visit You when You were in prison?

King: I tell you this: whenever you saw a brother or sister hungry or cold, whatever you did to the least of these, so you did to Me.

     -- (Matthew 25: 34b-40; The Voice)

*****

     "We need some winter clothes for refugee families."

     "Does anyone have pots, pans, cutlery?"

Requests like these appear on a Facebook group for refugee families. It's that time of year when email and mailboxes include requests for funds. Checkboxes suggest how much we should consider. Photos of hungry children appear on search pages.

[Funny, I just noticed a picture of a smiling black girl with a caption asking me to give.]

Emotional appeals are everywhere. Why? Because they work.

Christians are tuned in to giving at Christmas time. We know about three wise men even if we don't know about frankinsence and myrrh. At least we know about gold. And we know the wise men gave Jesus gifts. (I wonder what his parents did with the treasure.)

There are social norms enhanced by Dicken's famous carol. Sensitive souls shed a tear. It's a good time to ask for money. No one wants to be a scrooge.

The thing I like most about the Matthew text is the integrated universal message. Faith and works are integrated- you shouldn't see faith without works.

And people who meet other's needs are serving God -- even when they don't know it.

I think it worth considering that people who don't meet the needs of the poor do not fare well.

The poor still need the same basic stuff-- a place to sleep, food, drink, clothes, someone to welcome them, and health care.

Wise people give gifts to help those in need. Wise people run businesses and cast votes with the needy in mind.


My website Geoffrey W. Sutton

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Wednesday, November 22, 2017

6 Ways to Make an Effective Apology





EFFECTIVE APOLOGIES

What Works?

Individuals and business leaders often find themselves apologizing or dealing with requests for an apology. Most are seeking forgiveness and many wish to make things right. But correcting mistakes is not always easy.




Having an affair destroys most romantic relationships. Some partners do forgive and reconcile. Many do not. In an age of ubiquitous cameras, high speed internet communication, and hackers, odds increase that cheaters will be revealed to a wide audience. Of course, it’s not just the spouse or partner who suffers—children, relatives, and close friends hurt as well.

Usually the small stuff can be handled with an “I’m sorry” as long as it appears genuine. When the offense causes some difficulty, reputable businesses make amends. For example, after incorrect ticketing in China, I was moved to business class–too bad it was only an hour flight! Larger offenses cause more distress and law suits are costly.

Church leaders know a lot about public apologies too. Canadian leaders apologized for the way early Canadians ill-treated First Nations People in residential schools. Many of the schools were religious. Catholic leaders apologized for clergy sexual abuse of children and cover-ups. From time to time religious leaders admit to sexual infidelity.

FIRST with TRUTH

FIRST with TRUTH is an easy way to remember six effective components of an apology. The letters in the word "TRUTH" refer to five ideas linked to research. Add the concept of being "FIRST" and you have my six suggestions.

  Apologies usually work as a package. People receiving an apology often need several items to be present to forgive the offense. Keep in mind that apologies do not always work. And the setting needs to be safe for all involved. Finally, in serious matters, consult an attorney.

1. Be FIRST in telling the truth. Apologies are more effective when people and businesses do not wait until they are caught. Reputable businesses recall their faulty products when they discover something is wrong. Hiding the truth can look like a "cover-up," which victims despise. Covering up the truth has serious negative consequences. Consider the plight of churches that covered up clergy abuse.

People who want a trusting relationship apologize for events likely to have an impact on their partner or spouse. If you damaged the car or broke something meaningful it’s usually good to confess before your partner finds out.

But, some acts like an affair evoke strong emotions such that the victim needs to be prepared to receive an apology. If in doubt, ask a third party like a counselor or mediator to help. So apologizing before being caught is a general rule but exceptions exist when a confession can lead to harm.

2. Tell the TRUTH. A complete and truthful apology is important. Clearly state, “I apologize.” And clearly state what you apologize for. Provide sufficient details so it’s clear that you recognize the problem you or your business caused. If you’re not good at expressing yourself, ask for help.

3. Take RESPONSIBILITY. “I was wrong.” Admitting fault is often a key to an effective apology. Leave off excuses and explanations that can sound like excuses. Giving reasons for what you did can sound like it’s not your fault, which discounts the effectiveness of your apology.

4. UNDO the harm. Undoing the harm can be impossible in some cases but a sincere and generous offer can go a long way toward making amends. When my wife and I had problems with work on our house, the business apologized, refunded our final payment, and hired a professional to make it right.

In personal matters, it may take a third party to mediate a settlement. Counselors, clergy, and professional mediators can sometimes help.

5. Demonstrate REMORSE. Most people need to see evidence of remorse-sometimes it means seeing an emotional response consistent with remorse. This is a tough one. Some offenders cry easily and others have difficulty showing emotion even when they feel remorseful. In contrast, some victims have been burned so badly that they do not trust displays of emotion as genuine, whilst others are quick to accept an apology and forgive with any reasonable sign of remorse. When you can see the offense from the perspective of the victim, you are likely on your way toward an empathy. Empathy is a key to feeling remorseful.

6. HUMBLY explain the HISTORY of the events leading up to the offense in response to questions. Many people want answers. They want to know why you or your business did such a thing. People want satisfactory answers but what satisfies one person may not satisfy another. And, as noted above, keep in mind explanations can sound like excuses.

Perhaps humility is a key here. All honest people can do is share their version of events leading up to the offense. In some cases you may need to verify relevant facts or events. Even when things cannot be undone as in the case of a death as a result of an accident, families still want to know the details of what happened.

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References

Kirchhoff, J., Wagner, U., & Strack, M. (2012). Apologies: Words of magic? The role of verbal components, anger reduction, and offence severity. Peace and Conflict: Journal of Peace Psychology, 18, 109-130.  doi 10.1037/a0028092

Thomas, E. K. & Sutton, G.W. (2008). Religious Leadership Failure: Forgiveness, Apology, and Restitution. Journal of Spiritualityin Mental Health, 10, 308-327.

Thomas, E. K., White, K., & Sutton, G.W. (2008). Religious leadership failure: Apology, responsibility-taking, gender, forgiveness, and restoration. Journal of Psychology and Christianity, 27, 16-29.

Wilkinson, M. (2010). Public acts of forgiveness: What happens when Canadian churches and governments seek forgiveness for social sins of the past?  In M. Mittelstadt & G. W. Sutton (eds). Forgiveness, reconciliation, and restoration: Multidisciplinary studies from a Pentecostal perspective. (pp. 177–198). Eugene, OR: Pickwick Publications. http://wipfandstock.com/pickwick_publications







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Friday, November 17, 2017

Sexual Harassment Apologies Forgiveness and Restoration



Tweeden's report of her long felt anger in the face of a revealing photo of sexual harassment by Al Franken makes big news for several reasons.

We know sexual harassment knows no political boundaries. It's not just a problem for conservatives who have been under fire. But now there is evidence of a Democrat's sexual assault-- plus a photo and an apology.

Leeann Tweeden says she accepted Franken's apology, which adds to the complexity of how to handle sexual harassment in society.

Sexual harassment is wrong. No one of a sound mind denies the obvious. Different groups concerned about people who are accused of sexual harassment handle reports differently. This difference raises the issue of what consequences should apply to Franken and others when there is evidence of harassment. Voters will judge when they have an opportunity regardless of what any official administrative group (ethics panels etc.) decides. So, politicians have consequences of a different sort than do other predators or those accused of harassment.

Consumers decide how to respond when the rich and famous are guilty of harassment. Movies are cancelled. Products are trashed or personcotted (neologism). But this can happen even without evidence. Accusations of sexual harassment carry emotional weight.

Religious people decide what to do when clergy and religious leaders are guilty. As is the case with politicians and celebrities, some people offer support, some denounce the predators, others sue for damages. Some leave faith altogether.

All of us must decide to take action to create a safer society.

What's the role of an apology?

Ms. Tweeden was the one offended. Sincere apologies help offended people forgive and let go of the past. In some cases, apologies provide the basis for reconciliation. These decisions are for Ms. Tweeden--not the rest of us.

The rest of us get to decide what to do when we learn of sexual harassment allegations.

Some thoughts 

Sexual harassment and assault produce psychological harm that lasts for years.

Anger is one common strong feeling that persists. Anger can be inflamed when we are reminded of times when we were offended.

The images of harassment and assault remain in the mind even when there is no photo evidence.

Humiliation is a common experience that keeps people from speaking out.

Fear of reprisal can keep victims from speaking out. The experience of fear is real even if the risk of reprisal is low.

Deciding if an incident is worth the personal cost of disclosue can keep victims from speaking out.

Self-blame and guilt can keep victims from speaking out.

The examples of others bold enough to speak out can encourage others to come forward.

Constant news stories can stimulate old memories, which will affect people in different ways.

Sincere, apologies help victims forgive and become survivors.

Apologies do not need to be accepted by victims or those who must judge the accused.

Forgiveness is for victims to gain release from the pain of the past--to let go of the anger and move forward.

Those of us who have not been offended by someone in a news story have no particular reason to accept their apology or consider forgiveness or reconciliation. But we may be in a position to influence consequences and restoration--for example by voting or supporting / not supporting sources of income.

Forgiveness does not require reconciliation with the abuser. Reconciliation requires trust.

Apologies do not mean we should restore a person to their former status whether politican, actor, member of the clergy, or spouse.

To move from victim to survivor usually requires letting go of the past. But self-forgiveness may be required when "victims" feel partly responsible for the abusive event. This is especially true for those manipulated by predators.

Restoration of abusers to their former social position requires evidence suggesting a repeat offense is unlikely. Restoration is something decided by voters, employers, organizational boards, and spouses.

Human memories are dynamic and not like photographs or videos. This applies to observers, abusers, victims, and survivors.

Related posts

Sexual Assault Allegation Research


Psychology of Hurricane Harvey (Weinstein) and the "me too" flood


Psychology of Sexual Harassment

10 Beliefs about Forgiveness and Reconciliation

Forgiveness Quotes

Forgive? Yes. Reconcile? Maybe.



What I write

Geoffrey W. Sutton




Tuesday, November 14, 2017

Sexual Assault Allegation Research




Joseph and Potiphar's Wife /Giovanni Francesco Barbieri, Called Guercino, 1649
National Gallery of Art

In an experimental study, people reading accounts of sexual assault performed worse than chance (45.3%) when judging whether a report was true or false. The more confident the judgment, the lower the rate of accuracy (Peace et al., 2012).

Charges of sexual assault are clearly a serious matter. Many people are sexually assaulted each year. Most of the victims are women. Yet many innocent people have been imprisoned on false charges and lost years of their lives, which cannot be recovered.

The story of Picking Cotton is a powerful reminder of a bright woman who appeared quite credible but was sadly mistaken. Jennifer Thompson was convinced it was Ronald Cotton who raped her. But it turned out she was wrong. Her story was presented in a 60-minutes special in 2011.
The point is, when an accused person claims innocence, the person may be telling the truth. In cases of sexual assault, observers may be limited to the claims of two people and no physical evidence.


Detecting Deception

The research reviewed by Peace and her colleagues indicates a history of difficulty in detecting deception with accuracy levels running close to chance levels but confidence levels running at inflated levels.


There is an emotional belief bias. That is, emotional stories add a believability factor. When a report contains emotional content, and is presented with intense emotion, the report leads people to believe the report as true. Reports of rape and other forms of sexual assault are the kind of reports that lead to credibility.

Some have wondered about the role of personality in judging the accuracy of reports. Unfortunately, research does not provide a consistent pattern.


RAND Corporation Report


In a massive report (319 pages), the Rand Corporation team compiled A Compendium of Sexual Assault Research. (Download pdf).

One problem is that although most agree that sexual assault is a widespread problem, estimates vary considerably from 15 to 51%. A study of men reported a 4% rate. On college campuses, the assault of women ranged from 21 to 42% in various samples.


Victims tend to know the perpetrators. The risk factors for predicting perpetrators were described as follows:

"Among perpetrators, hostile masculinity was most often found to be a significant predictor of sexual assault perpetration; men who adhered to aggressive sexual beliefs were also considered at high risk of perpetrating sexual assault, as were those with a history of being coercive or committing assault." (p. x)

Considerations

Psychotherapists and counselors have a different task than does the forensic psychologist. Clinicians are concerned with the well-being of their clients. Clinicians must deal with the symptoms reported and the client's perceived experience. Helping victims become survivors is the joint effort of clinicians and clients.

Anyone wanting to be objective about the evaluation of sexual assault charges may be on the defensive when faced with an emotional report of rape, which may be believed by many. When stories are published, the accused is judged in the court of public opinion.

The forensic psychologist seeks to determine credibility along with the mental status of the person reporting the assault. Efforts to be objective by examiners can be frustrating to victims.

The reports of sexual assault are often true even when some details may be incorrect. An incorrect detail or an inconsistency does not necesarily mean a claim is false.

But some reports of sexual assault are false for various reasons including mistaken perceptions and false memories.

To learn more, consider the RAND report and the Peace study along with the references provided in those documents.

Comments

Respectful comments are welcome, including corrections. Others will be deleted.


Reference


Peace, K. A., Porter, S., & Almon, D. F. (2012). Sidetracked by emotion: Observers' ability to discriminate genuine and fabricated sexual assault allegations. Legal and Criminological Psychology, 17(2), 322-335. doi:10.1111/j.2044-8333.2011.02013.x

Related reading on sex and morality  A House Divided

https://wipfandstock.com/a-house-divided-16708.html




Friday, October 20, 2017

Psychology of Hurricane Harvey and the metoo Flood



We are currently awash in #metoo notices on social media sites. A catharsis of massive proportions has followed in the aftermath of Hurricane Harvey.  As with any storm, news sources  examine the origins and publish a chronology. The current storm hit the U.S. 5 October when the NYT published salacious allegations.

Now, two weeks later, the storm has abated. Other news stories are headlines. Meanwhile, clean-up after Hurricane Harvey continues. We don't know how many lives have been destroyed. Heavy rains have affected many beyond the eye of the storm. People are hurting. Some still await care.

As with any storm, accusatory fingers point in many directions. There are reasonable calls for climate change-- we must end the rape climate that creates the conditions giving rise to such sexual hurricanes. They are right of course. Men are responsible for most of the problems. We do need to change. 

The helpfulness of metoo reports provides a Johari-like window of insight for sensitive men. Looking back, some of us can see how we contributed to the destructive climate. I apologize for insensitive comments. Other have too. 

The strong wave of contemporary femminism ocurred in the 1990s ,though there were earlier movements to be sure. The movement itself helped create a greater awareness amongst sensitive men about the insensitive treatment of women. Like others born many decades ago, I learned to change my language and beliefs about women's roles in society--including governments, churches, and the military. I saw how feminism was a blessing to society. Too many keen intellects were missing from solving the important problems we all face.

As the clean-up after the current storm proceeds, we must see if there are any lessons to learn that have not already been identified. This will not be easy because the emotional waters are still high. A lot of mud has covered the landscape.

Disgust is a powerful emotion-laden, expulsion-driven, life-saving response to cleanse us from germ-infested filth. Disgust quickly generalizes beyond vomit and manure to reject the dirty side of sex that robs people of their humanity. Women have been degraded in our eyes. We humans can only take so much disgust before we avert our eyes. We need to wash our souls.

Look for the word disgust in so many articles and comments about sexual harassment and abuse. Look for attitudes of contempt. There are powerful emotions behind the words. There is anger. And sometimes there is hate. There is a world of hurt. As my psychologist friend, Dr. Grant Jones, says, before hurt people can forgive they need to claim their "pound of flesh."

Like any dirty job, people want a break. We see the desire for a break in the change in headlines. We see the need for relief in those men who fight back against blame in the comments sections of accusatory articles. Overexposure robs workers of their capacity to clean-up.

But like all important work, the clean-up must continue. After a short break-- a time to refresh and see beauty once more, we must return to the arduous task. We must continue to read the stories of those who have been hurt. We must be about changing the climate of relationships. We must help survivors recover. We must strengthen social levees and rebuild our culture with stronger foundations of respect.

As the emotional waters subside, we will be better able to re-examine the words and actions that cross the line of respect between the sexes at work, school, places of worship, and everywhere. We need examples to see the difference between what is funny about sex and what is degrading. Men and women need to learn how to approach each other. We need to keep up the rhetoric about consent. We need to see how power and sex combine to hurt others. We need to report sexual harassment. And we need to support those who have been harassed.

As with any serious clean-up effort, some people are better prepared than others to deal with the stench. Rape, sexual assault, and sex trafficking are repulsive. Workers will see disgusting things about humanity. We need workers equipped for the task. We can look to our universities to prepare such workers. Those who feel ill-equipped to do such work can support the efforts of these responders.



We must not forget

     There are millions of loving couples.

     There are women who love the men in their lives. 

     There are men who respect women.

Psychology of Disgust: Related Posts

Why Christians Have Problems Loving the "Unholy"


How Metaphors Mess with our Minds and Destroy Lives



Sexual Harassment and Assault: Related Posts

Psychology of Sexual Harassment

MICROAGGRESSIONS at WORK and SCHOOL


About Sexuality and Morality in Christian Cultures






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Thursday, October 19, 2017

PSYCHOLOGY OF STOCK MARKET AFTERSHOCKS





The greed that leads to market tops and crashes can account for the arguably more painful aftershocks too. And there's more psychology at work.

MASSIVE LOSSES

In 2007 the DJIA topped on 29 Sept at 14, 164.53. Then plunged 777.68 on 9 October. But the bottom did not hit until 6 March 2009 at 6,443.27 - more than a 54% loss!

The US markets famously crashed 18 October 1929 (almost 90%) BUT the market did not hit bottom until 8 July 1932. The "bargain scoop-up rally" did not last.

Some may recall 19 October, 1987, the market crashed again losing 23% in one day (DJIA).


A PSYCHOLOGICAL PERSPECTIVE

Markets are not things. Investments may be analyzed, but markets are about human behavior--people trying to be smart when buying and selling. Some try to get ahead of the herd. Some get greedy when markets fall and try to jump on a bargain only to find out it's cheap for a reason-- no one wants what they bought.

Stocks, bonds, and houses are not worth anything unless someone else is willing to buy what you are selling. Unless of course, you derive income from what you own that outweighs any drop in value below what you would have if you just held cash. That takes some calculation.

Like many things in life, the psychological principle of sunk costs applies. When an investment goes south, people often throw good money have bad rather than cut their losses. This situation is worse for individual stocks, bonds, and houses compared to people who hold an index fund. Any particular investment can go to zero! But large index funds like the S&P500 are probably too big to fail even when they drop 50%.

A market that sells off 7-10% seems bad to an average investor. Some hang on and endure losses of 20-50%. Others cut their losses and move to cash or find something better. A person's tolerance for risk is evident in their behavior. Most stay put or add more money until finally shaken out during the aftershock -- the date when everyone who wants out got out. The recovery can be a matter of years or decades.

Young people with a long work history ahead can afford to remain investors for the long hual. Wealthy people with diverse holdings can afford to remain in the markets as their wealth passes to the next generation via assets that will surely improve at some distant date.

But people near retirement who are heavily invested may not live long enough to enjoy a recovery if they lose double-digit percentages.

So, we must know our tolerance for risk. Recognize the trap of sunk cost psychology. Learn when to cut losses. Manage greed and fear (you may have more to fear than fear itself if you lose lots of money).

And consult a financial advisor when unsure. They might make you feel better even if they don't have a clue about the future. Really, who can predict the future? But they may help you think more clearly about your situation.

AND MORE

By the way, the principle of sunk costs applies to personal investments in relationships, education and career paths as well as commitments in politics and religion.

Of course I'm not giving financial advice. I am not a financial advisor - just a psychologist.


Monday, October 16, 2017

Is Scouting Safe?




wikimedia commons

Not long ago, I was shocked when a friend told me of personal sexual abuse in a scout-like program in his church. I learned of his long-term suffering--years of depression. Those of us in clinical work are sadly used to learning of people who have been sexually abused as children and adults. But abuse happens to our friends as well.

Recently, the Boy Scouts announced that girls will be welcomed into their program. It didn't take long for the Girl Scouts to respond with "Why admitting girls is a 'terrible idea.'" (Garcia, 2017)

It doesn't help that a Boy Scout Leader made news earlier this year for the sexual abuse of five boys (USNews, 2017, March 4). The problem of child sexual abuse is not new. And the sexual abuse is not limited to scouts (e.g., CNN).

The history of problems of child sexual abuse and the recent reports of sexual harassment by aspiring female actors, make it clear. Vulnerable people are at risk for sexual abuse.

Getting our cultural house in order begins with every adult taking responsibility for themselves and their children. All organizations must carefully screen and monitor their leaders. Policies must be in place for safety and reporting. Education about sexual abuse must be ongoing.

When we see weaknesses in a system, let us point them out to the administrators.

Download and read the free booklet on preventing child sexual abuse: Preventing Child Sexual Abuse within Youth-serving Organizations -- available from the CDC.

Scouting can be a positive and fun experience. Let's keep it that way.



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Saturday, October 14, 2017

Psychology of Sexual Harassment



I changed the channel from the struggling Mizzou to CNN whilst waiting for my wife to join me in plans to watch something entertaining on Netflix. The talking heads were reviewing the latest Weinstein sex scandal allegations. Just seeing the pictures of famous women across the screen has an effect. One man with power can influence so many lives.

We saw this before when Cosby was in the news.

We've seen stories on college campuses and reports of clergy abuse.


One attorney is tuned in to the psychological trauma.


"I heard (attorney) Gloria Allred say the other day on CNN: 'Sexual harassment harms people,'" said Kendall. "And it's true. It does. Your body remembers the trauma. Your heart remembers the trauma. It changes you and makes you make decisions about life, like, I'm going to go in another direction. You don't know the harm it can do." (US News)
Beyond the Film Industry

The talk about what to do in the film industry is certainly appropriate. But I see others who are keen on examining the culture of sexual harassment in the workplace. The thing is, when you're young, as were so many of these women when first approached, you don't know what to do. It's totally unexpected. You're scared and angry. You want to attack and don't know how. I know. I've been there. Emma Thompson aptly called W a bully and a predator.

Invading personal space has consequences. We naturally want to defend ourselves against intruders. Sexual intrusion deserves a strong response. A strong response necesarily arouses fight and flight action and emotion. 

The other thing about harassment, the mental rape and grope kind, is it's often short of physical rape so you don't feel like you deserve the same kind of outrage that goes with those horrid reports of child sexual abuse and rape that keep popping up in the news. We know those survivors deserve a great deal of attention with vigilant efforts to protect their welfare, prevent further acts, and help survivors heal.

Some say sexual harassment is not about sex-- it is about power. I disagree. Sexual harassment is not just about power. Sexual harassment is about about both sex and power

There is harassment of a nonsexual kind. People bully others all the time. Nonsexual harassment makes you angry too. And it can cause fear. Sexual harassment evokes disgust as well as anger. Disgust is more powerful. Disgust makes you feel dirty. It's repulsive. Sexual harassment gets to one's soul.

Weinstein is the kind of story we need to rally support to strengthen laws so that all humans are protected from sexual harassment. We have enough evidence now that women and men are victimized in high school, at college, in sports, when applying for jobs, as interns in many fields, and now of course in the film industry where beautiful people compete for limited, high paying jobs. Attractiveness attracts money and unwanted sexual advances.

So what can harassed people do?

It is not easy when you think you are alone. The CNN story provides a little more advice--there is strength in numbers. And timing is important. Employees have rights and companies have policies nowadays. It is not so clear what people can do when attacked in other venues like contractors or people seeking employment. And the problem in high schools and colleges remains unresolved.


If there is any good news, high profile people are drawing attention to the problem of sexual harassment. There are some laws. There is a glimpse of justice when the powerful lose their power positions so they can no longer harm others. And the risk of getting called out adds some external brake to those who lack inhibitions. The support for survivors is growing along with an intolerance for sexual harassment. And men who are not predators are becoming more aware of how their words and actions can be construed as sexual harassment.

I have worked in places where the lack of policy enforcement is pathetic and the lack of serious sexual harassment training was either lacking or not up to anything close to a strong, persuasive, and persistent educational effort.

Complacency is the enemy. There will always be predators who are not inhibited by the threat of embarassment, loss of employment, or prison. 



  • We must stay informed.
  • Support survivors wherever they may be.
  • Warn our youth-- make sexual harassment part of sex education.
  • Speak up on company, school, church, community boards and committees.
  • Read company policies and advocate for stronger ones when they are weak.
  • Advocate for the most effective sexual harassment education programs available.
  • Provide treatment for victims.
  • Parents-be careful but not overly anxious.



Sexual harassment is everywhere:
   News & Resources

Middle School and High School (CS Monitor)
     This is why parents must ensure sexual harassment is part of sex education.
     Sexual harassment begins early in life.

Colleges and universities (USA Today College)
    Despite major news stories, the problem continues.

Religious settings (UMC advice) 
     Check on the policy at your congregation

CT "The Law on Sexual Harassment"

    A reminder to the religious.

Assault in the military (NBC) (DOD report)

    This is serious.

U S Equal Employment Opportunity Commission EEOC


Facts about Sexual Harassment and Title VII

    There are limitations on scope

Sexual Harassment in sports  Olympic.org   SI story

   Just a reminder-- it happens.

What to do at work (Forbes)

    Some good notes here of things to do if you are in a situation now.


Read more about the psychology of sexual harassment at this link






Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Do we need a sign: Do Not Feed the Children?



There's little doubt that children love sweets and show an interest in adults who provide them.  But many parents work hard to keep their children on healthy diets.  And some children require special diets.


I was thinking of the care shown to donkeys at Carisbrooke Castle. The staff reminded guests not to feed them.

Most of us have seen signs advising us not to feed animals because of their special diets. As I read various reports on research it is clear that many children and adults consume much that is unhealthy.






I have joked about diet options such as the variety of chocolates one can choose (my photo of chockies at the outlet in Portsmouth above).


But, health is no joking manner. Perhaps parents need to post signs saying: "Do Not Feed the Children," and explain that they are on a special diet.


Cheers to parents who provide their children with healthy foods in sufficient quantities. And set limits on high calorie treats. Extra cheers to parents who demonstrate healthy eating plus a healthy lifestyle by adding exercise to healthy eating.

And more. May those parents who resist fads and unscientific claims about nutrition and supplements be blessed for they shall save money and demonstrate wisdom when it comes to unsubstantiated health claims.

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Palms Donkeys and Kings

On Palm Sunday 2017 I was in the chapel at Carisbrooke Castle built in  recognition of Charles I and veterans.

I  was reminded of other features of the early Palm Sunday by palms in the nearby garden and a donkey easily coaxed into walking a treadmill that provided water from a well years ago.

The gospels illustrate parallels between the everyday life and one full of spiritual significance. We can find many lessons about humanity that make the Palm Sunday story so relevant.

For me, the palms and the donkey were mostly cues to remember the day. Of course, my Christian heritage provided a connection that others might not make.

But the stories of Jesus and Charles I remind me of the religious component in the speeches and violent acts of people whose loyalties are often tested in extreme ways. People have the capacity to draw on faith to celebrate both peace and war.

Disagreements among the religious still lead to death and destruction.  Fair trials are often hard to come by.

Now King Charles I was no Jesus but the people surrounding them were divided over religious beliefs and views of political power like people today. The mixing of faith and politics rarely works out so well.

It is hard to find the moral high ground among the world's leaders or their opponents.

But there is something appealing about that donkey at the well who more or less obediently walks to bring the water of life that sustains others regardless of faith or politics.

A Look at a Deconversion Testimony


Coventry Cathedral 2002/ by Geoff W. Sutton

On a cold winter’s day Sarah sat across from me in the restaurant and declared, “I’m an atheist.” We were at a conference and her friends had left to go somewhere—I forget where. Sarah is a brilliant young woman with a bright future. I don’t know her well but she made some good points during a conference presentation. She knows I write about the psychology of religion so I’ve asked her about her opinions. Sarah was raised as an Evangelical Christian—a bit on the fundamentalist spectrum, I guess. She doesn’t like the Old Testament—too much murder, too many rules. I ask about the “Sermon on the Mount.” She thinks that’s ok. She likes Jesus’ moral teaching. She’s left of center politically and socially. She’s about to graduate from a Christian university. Somewhere along the line she lost her faith. She’s not come out as an atheist—except to a few people. She’s aware of the risks. She can’t doubt outloud. Her litany of complaints focus on beliefs that don’t make sense and certain views of morality she no longer holds as true.*

Peter Enns and The Sin of Certainty

My point in telling the “Sarah story” is that I was thinking of people like her when I read the first chapter of Peter Enns', The Sin of Certainty. I’ve been asked to lead off a study of Peter’s book. And Enns' first chapter describes his faith crisis. His chapter is instructive because it fits well with a recent uptrend in deconversion and conversion research in my field of interest, the Psychology of Religion. I previously summarized some research on deconversion and conversion. In this post, I provide a look at Enns', story from the perspective of deconversion and conversion. He claims not to have written an autobiography yet the lead story suggests his crisis provides the context for the book.


CRISIS, CHAOS, RENEWAL

Peter Enns recalls a threatening moment listening to faith-challenging questions in a Disney movie, Bridge to Terabithia. Leslie and May Belle discuss God and the Bible. After a brief exchange about belief in the Bible and the consequences of disbelief, Leslie says, “I seriously do not think God goes around damming people to hell.” Here's the short video clip:



Enns' tells us of his spiritual and emotional discomfort and offers a larger life-context of leaving his teaching job at a Christian school (See Bailey, 2008) and losing some of his friends. He observes, “Watching certainty slide into uncertainty is frightening.” Faith provides a sense of meaning and organization. His faith has been seriously tested. After decades of education and teaching in Christian communities, he experienced some life-changing questions like: “Is there a God? What will you do now that God is far off, out of sight? (p. 13).”

In their summary of recent conversion and deconversion research, Raymond Paloutzian and his colleagues (2013) opine that both conversion and deconversion can be seen as part of a larger perspective on spiritual transformation. Here’s a quote about the concept of deconversion:

“Overall, deconversion is conceptualized as an intense biographical change that includes individual and social aspects: experiential, emotional, intellectual-ideological, social-environmental, moral, as well as changes or termination of group membership." (p. 409).

As a psychologist, I found myself drawn to Enn’s description of his feelings—the emotional experience he felt or reported that others with similar experiences shared. Here’s some examples of his language in chapter 1: "threatened, frightening, worried, Feeling judged and banished…” The experience is clearly emotional and specifically, about fear and anxiety.

As a psychology of religion researcher, I noted the social context and its impact on Enns. He reported a change at the school where he taught. The organizational climate became “tense and adversarial” (p. 12). His teaching and writing were examined. Eventually, he says he resigned. His description of the change sounds like a spiritual transformation.

“I recall those first few months of sweet freedom. I hadn’t felt that light and joyful in probably a decade. Pick your cliché: I felt alive, born again, as if I had been liberated from a prison camp, released from a dungeon, and had seen the sunshine and felt the cool breeze for the first time in ages.” (pp. 11-12)

The positive feelings did not last long. He soon found that “faith went dark” and he lacked the structure of faith provided by the community where “Thinking for myself wasn’t necessary…” (p. 12).

Enns concludes the first chapter by suggesting a “sacred journey” is possible for those who give up the quest for right belief and begin trusting God. The sin of certainty is a preoccupation with right belief to the point of making an idol out of belief and forcing God into our interpretation of the image we created.

I’ve read the book. Enns ends by telling us of his current congregation on page 192. We see his transformation, played out in Christian media, as an example of that type of deconversion from a fundamentalist-like evangelical Christianity. After what sounds like a wilderness experience, he finds a different sort of Christian community. As I read his words I see evidence of a changed spirituality, a de-emphasis on beliefs, but still a desire for meaning and relationship, “I need to be a part of something bigger than myself…”

REFLECTIONS

Peter Enns' tale is a story for our time. I suspect doubters have been around since the first religious ideas were spoken. But in western cultures, it has become safer to express those doubts and concerns. There’s still a risk as Peter indicates—people can’t really be honest about their doubts in some faith communities and expect to keep their job or their old friendships.

Like Sarah, more and more young people are questioning the statements of belief promulgated by conservative religious groups. They doubt the truthfulness of certain claims. And when they get answers to difficult questions, they don’t find the answers very convincing.

There are different types of deconversions. Some occur gradually but may come to a critical point. These sound a lot like the reverse of conversion experiences. Some exit faith altogether. Some keep quiet and carry on—agnostic. Others exit a faith community (disaffiliation) and find a better fit.

Anxiety makes sense. The transition from childhood to adulthood can be smoother for those who remain in a spiritual family even when leaving their parent's home. We form attachments to parents as infants. The nature of attachment changes as we age. When children are removed from their attachment figures for various reasons like going to school or a parent going away, the event is marked by anxiety. In severe cases, children experience separation anxiety. Anxiety can occur at different points in life. A spiritual family mitigates against such anxiety unless the child is cast out.

I'm not seeing anger in Enns' chapter one account. I will resist the attempt to analyze his presentation. But I will hypothesize that many will feel a great deal of anger. Anxiety and anger can produce the emotional turmoil that motivates action. Action may lead one to redouble efforts to re-attach to secure relationships like the old ones left behind or find a new family altogether different. Emotions can function like catalysts to activate belief-behavior connections.

In the research literature, some emerge from their emotional turmoil with a new sense of autonomy and a feeling of personal growth. As Paloutzian and others write of some deconverts who leave a religious community, “...there are also gains in a sense of connectedness for the lucky ones who immediately find a new community and a new identity with a self-identification as ‘spiritual person,’ also a key characteristic of deconversion.” (p. 414)

Peter Enns offers a path forward for those troubled by restrictive interpretations of Christian belief statements—encourage trust in God (in my language, don’t sweat the details of belief).

Here's what I’d like to know as I take these ideas to class:

What elements of Enns' story make sense in terms of other stories you have heard or read?

What Christian beliefs, if any, must be held as true and certain to continue a sacred journey as a Christian?

How does your church or Christian organization create a safe place for people with doubts like those questions Enns reported?

How can Christians be helpful to people like Sarah who wish to talk—explore their thoughts about faith?

How do people handle family relationships where some Christians consider others as unsaved, lost, heretics, agnostics, or atheists?

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Read more about Christian cultures in A House Divided available on AMAZON from the publisher, Pickwick and in the Apple bookstore on Apple devices.


*(Sarah is not a particular person but a composite of bright young people who reject the conservative faith of their youth).

References
Bailey, S. P. (April, 2008). Westminster theological suspension. Christianity Today. Retrieved from http://www.christianitytoday.com/news/2008/april/114-24.0.html This article tells of Enn’s suspension and provides links to related stories.
Enns, P. (2016). The Sin of Certainty: Why God Desires Our Trust More Than Our “Correct” Beliefs. San Francisco: Harper One.
Paloutzian, R.F., Murken, S., Streib, H. & Rößler-Namini, S. (2013. Conversion, deconversion, and spiritual transformation: A multidisciplinary view. In. R. F. Paloutzian and C. L. Park (Eds.), Handbook of the Psychology of Religion and Spirituality, (2nd Ed., pp. 399-421). New York: Guilford.

Sutton, G. W. (2016). [Review of the book The sin of certainty: Why God desires “our” trust more than “our” correct beliefs by Peter Enns]. Encounter, 13. You can find my academic review of his book online at Academia and ResearchGate.