The defining component of a toxic culture is the poison labelled contempt.
Psychotherapists
know a lot about contempt. It’s the poison that destroys relationships with an almost
insurmountable barrier to reconciliation (See Healthy Marriages).
Contempt
can be seen in eye-rolls, sneers, mocking gestures and a litany of criticisms that
attract in-kind responses of sarcasm and ultimately cynicism. The whole
pattern is dangerous to partners as it not only causes emotional pain but it
may also lead to belligerent acts including physical aggression. (Read more
about contempt.)
Contempt is
nothing new of course. Contempt is part of human nature. But in recent years,
the multifarious sniping where I live in the US has increased to a level that relationships
have broken down. It’s not just about the COVID-19 pandemic because the virus
of contempt was in the air before COVID-19 joined it. Sadly, I admit that I too fired some toxic shots even as I was trying to fight against the toxic cloud.
Taunting
people of other political or religious tribes used to be veiled humour with a
tad of civility. That’s gone now. Social media can’t keep up with the vicious
cartoons, accusations, and hatred spewed from the uncensored keyboards of the
religious and irreligious alike.
In an
ordinary culture, only a small percentage of people meet criteria for
psychopathy. Somehow, we’ve been led to believe that humongous percentages of
people are evil-minded and bent on our destruction. (Learn about psychopathy.)
Consider
the plethora of distrust that crosses our news feeds.
We can’t trust millions of citizens to be honest voters anymore.
We can’t trust the Post Office to deliver our mail on time.
We can’t trust the courts to make wise decisions regardless of party
affiliation.
We can’t trust electors to be faithful to the vote count in their
states.
We can’t trust physicians when they advise us about medical treatments
for COVID-19.
We can’t trust epidemiologists when they tell us what to do to prevent
the spread of infectious diseases.
We can’t trust scientists when they advise us about a vaccine.
We can’t trust the data about how many people are infected with COVID-19.
We can’t trust the rising numbers of people who have died from COVID-19.
We can’t trust political leaders or the clergy to respect sexual boundaries.
We can’t trust clergy to offer a unified voice when it comes to coping
with infectious diseases.
We can't trust certain media to report all the news in an unbiased manner.
We can’t
trust our broad network of friends anymore. In fact, some of us have lost,
blocked, or hidden people we thought were friends.
We can’t trust.
We feel contempt.
We feel disgust.
We feel angry.
We want revenge.
And in the
process of spreading contempt, tens of millions of Americans who identify as
Christian won’t get the message of hope symbolized in a baby who grew up to
spend a good deal of his short life showing people how to:
Care for the wounded regardless of ethnic origin
Uplift people from marginalized classes
Welcome strangers
Encourage neighbourliness
Care about people more than government or religious leaders
And more
It seems a lot of Christians nowadays care more about their government than their neighbour. I am pretty sure this is false—it’s just the impression I get from what some write and what they protest about. I'll bet some of the people showing contempt toward politicians or "other groups" are really nice people when dealing with other topics.
It seems like no one wants to carry a cross or someone
else’s burden anymore. I’m sure its false. I search for good news. I find a few
examples here and there. It's just that contempt, like a spilled paint can, blots out a beautiful portrait.
Redemption
Undoing contempt
will take a concerted effort by social influencers.
I’m not so naïve
to think we will rid ourselves of all bad actors in society. Yes, there are
psychopaths. But most people are not psychopaths. Most Americans have given a lot to people in other nations and their own. And I am willing to bet most Americans don't steal or cheat on their votes.
The key to
rebuilding trust is to perform trustworthy acts and look for trustworthy
behaviour in others.
Trust is
built one act at a time.
Contempt is
undone by a transformation that replaces every critical comment with at least
five positive and encouraging interactions. That’s the golden ratio: 5 to 1.
Sponsored
by Living Well
Learn more about the features of contempt in the Dispositional Contempt Scale
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